Do you (or did you, if your children are grown) have a lot of rules in your family? Some people believe that parents ought to only have 3 to 5 primary rules that they attempt to teach and enforce and not worry too much about things that fall outside of those rules. The thought with this approach is that you shouldn't over-manage your children and that if you set more than five rules it will be impossible to be consistent in enforcing them.
However, others feel that you should create enough rules to help shape the growth of your children in all of the areas that are important to you and that it is your responsibility as parents to make sure they know how to behave in many different areas of life.
I grew up in a home with lots of rules (hundreds). It is interesting that some of the children in my family turned out to be serious rule-followers while other turned out to be serious rule-rebels. So, I'm not sure there is a right or wrong answer here, but I'm interested in two questions:
1) Were you raised in a home that had lots of rules or just a few primary rules?
2) As a parent yourself, did/do you have lots of rules or just a few primary rules? How's it working?
About Me
- Square Root of Family
- Tim Penrod, who facilitates this blog, is married to his best friend, Kathy. They are the parents of five children. Tim is also a Marriage and Family Therapist in Arizona and CEO of a family services agency.
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1) My parents had a gazillion rules! We had rules about the rules! Every aspect of our life had a rule that applied to it. My parents were good, honest, hard-working Christians, but they were just TOO enamored of rules!!! As a result, I began to rebel as soon as I was out of their household and married. I made some really bad choices that I don't feel I would have made had I been more free to make decisions on my own while still having the guidance of my parents and their love and forgivness.
2) I'm sorry, I don't have children, so I can't answer the second half of the question.
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as a newbie here (just added you to my list on google reader) I felt a responsibility to go aback and read all of your posts...thank you for just starting your blog in April.
In answer to your query I add my belated offering:
I grew up with a mother who could be described as a Jewish Mother with dictatorial qualities. She said it, we did it, and had a bowl of hot steaming guilt every night for dessert. !/2 of us rebelled, the other 1/2 just tried to stay out of her way.
In *my* home we had a few rules that were strictly enforced as the kids were toddlers. Do what mom says, tell mom where you are going to be at all times, don't talk back, and give chocolate on mother's day.
As the kids got older they understood that certain looks meant "One more step bub and death is on the way." They told me where they were, they (seriously) never talked back, and they gave me chocolate on days that weren't even commercial holidays. No one rebelled in their teens or later, so far no ax murderers or unibombers in the bunch.
The moral here: Grab 'em while they're young and teach that you *really do* mean what you say. Teach them what to expect in good and bad behaviour... and give them access to the Godiva account.
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