Interesting article today on msnbc.com, essentially saying that boredom and feeling like your marriage is in a "rut" is more damaging than fighting. At least fighting involves caring. Reading this article made me think of one we discussed in college that claimed that love is nothing more than a rush of chemicals to your brain that makes you feel happy, and that humans are only built to be satisfied with the same partner for about 2-3 years. After that, the brain no longer produces those same chemicals associated with romantic love toward that same partner.
Our college class had a very strong, negative reaction to the "love is a chemical reaction" article, as did I. However, our instructor made a good point. If you do not take care to cultivate your marriage and do things to make it new, interesting and exciting, at the very least you will be depriving your brain of some of the happy chemicals it might otherwise send its way. And what marriage couldn't use a little refreshing once in a while?
While I don't buy the whole "love is nothing more than a chemical reaction" thing, there is no denying that hormones, chemicals and other biological factors have an impact on the way people feel and function. If that were not true, and if moods were completely a matter of choice, why would anyone choose to be depressed, stuck in a rut, or "blah?"
So, the new study cited in the MSNBC article has an interesting element. Couples need to do things to break out of their ruts, try new adventures, change up old patterns, and renew themselves once in a while. I loved the part about the sixty-year-old couple finding a new freshness to their relationship after taking up horseback riding. The wife commented, "I never knew how good he looked on a horse".
I guess a lot of this is common sense, but I am also acutely aware of how much I often resist breaking out of my comfort zone and doing things that are new and adventurous once in a while. I have worn the same hair style since I was age two, I've never been rafting, rappelling or skiing (water or snow). Maybe routines are comforting to me, or maybe I'm just lazy. But if I want to keep my spirits refreshed and my marriage renewed, I realize that I need to put more effort into mixing things up once in a while.
Maybe I'll put my left shoe on first tomorrow morning instead of the right one (or some other wild and crazy new thing). :)
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
1 Insights:
Oh, what an adventurer you are! How DOES that woman restrain herself???!!!
Seriously, my husband and I started dating when I was 15 1/2 and married when I was 17 1/2. When he died on Jan. 26 of this year, that means we had essentially been together for about 35 1/2 years and married for 33 1/2 of those years.
Did it get 'hoehum' sometimes? Sure, but I never lost that 'romantic' feeling for him; I still haven't. All I have to do is remember those early days of falling in love and I still feel as 'warm and fuzzy' for him as ever I did.
BTW, his idea of adventure was taking me deer hunting with him. If you haven't alredy, you can catch the low down on that one on my blog! Only happened once; taught him a lesson for life!
Post a Comment