Go Kyle

I'll call him 'Kyle' for this posting in order to keep it confidential, but that is not his real name. I met him about five years ago. He was a teenager, living at a group home because he had behavioral difficulties. The group home had a point system tied to behavior, and Kyle was on the lowest level. The report was that he refused to go to school, picked on the other young men at the group home, and lost his temper, causing fights.

After hearing this report, I expected to see a hardened criminal. Instead, Kyle turned out to be the kind of guy that makes you want to like him. He was soft-spoken and gentle, although needed a lot of attention. He told me about all the things he loves to do and how, since being at the group home, he had not been able to do any of them. He wanted to go hiking, camping, fishing, play sports, go to the library and listen the music that he liked. Not too different from any other boy his age. I was surprised to learn that it was the absence of a family, not his behavior, that got him placed in the group home to begin with. His family decided they didn't want him anymore one day, turned him over to the state and moved far away. Kyle still believed and hoped they were coming back for him, and kept several mementos of his parents and siblings.

Turned out that while they did call once in a while, they had no intention of coming to visit or ever taking him back. Kyle had some minor physical and emotional disabilities and they did not feel they were able to handle them. They had tried to obtain help before unsuccessfully, and finally, they gave up.

I wish the story had an ending that included Kyle being reunited with his family. It doesn't. But it does have a different sort of happy ending, where Kyle, with support services in the community, was able to leave the group home and move to and independent living environment that helped him do some of the things he loved to do and helped him learn to take care of himself and be a part of the community. The behavior problems went away nearly instantly. He didn't need traditional counseling services, medication or any other traditional interventions. He just needed a chance to make some choices, do things he enjoyed, connect with his community and surround himself with people who believed in him and wouldn't give up on him. Turns out hiking and fishing, as long as not part of some type of boot camp, are great therapy for the soul.

It has been a few years since I have seen Kyle, but I just ran into him again this week. He is living on his own now in an apartment. Takes public transportation or rides his bike to where he needs to go. Gets a steady paycheck each month. Visits friends and neighbors regularly. And has not been in any trouble at all since living on his own.

I think back to when I first met Kyle and wonder what would have happened if things hadn't changed courses. Would he have ever finished school? Would he have ever gotten out of group homes and institutions? Would he be living independently today? Would he still be sitting there waiting for his family to come visit? I guess we'll never know for sure, but I am glad today that Kyle is happy and living on his own. Go Kyle!